Kailan didn’t so much as pretend to listen. Far from lifting his head, he calmly turned to the next page, as though there were no one standing there at all.
Flip.
The rustle of paper came through unusually clearly. For a second I wondered whether the fact that I’d just spoken at all had been a dream, or something I’d imagined. To be ignored this blatantly.
Without meaning to, my voice came out a little dumber than before.
“Hyungnim?”
“...”
“Um, can you not hear me? Hello?”
I kept at it, even waving a cautious little hand, and only then did Kailan’s gaze shift, very slowly.
The instant those golden eyes drifted up off the page and landed on me, my shoulders flinched on reflex.
There wasn’t a trace of feeling left on the face that met mine. Not surprise, not suspicion, not even plain annoyance.
That stare was far too hollow for a boy his age to be carrying, and my heart dropped straight through me.
It wasn’t the look you give a living creature. It was the look you give a pebble rolling around on the roadside, confirming it’s a pebble. Confirmation done, he dropped his eyes again.
Flip.
The sound of a page turning came again, but this time nothing came out of me either.
What was that, just now?
Something stranger than the simple feeling of being brushed off crawled up my spine.
I could feel Ivan fidgeting beside me, unable to bring himself to step in. He looked like he wanted to answer in Kailan’s place and couldn’t dare, so all he did was watch for a cue.
Th-thanks for the thought, but I’m fine.
It was deflating somehow, but it did help reset the mood. Right. I’d braced myself for rejection, so being shocked about it now would be a little funny.
I hadn’t known that even a single word of greeting wouldn’t land, but that didn’t mean I planned to back off here. Getting this far had cost me risk, after all.
Any more friendly chatter was useless. I had no choice but to move on to the next plan.
Q. When someone treats you as though you don’t exist, the way he just did, how should you handle it?
Smile awkwardly and walk away? Or play it off as though you never spoke in the first place? To skip to the conclusion: both are wrong.
The correct answer was A. Make absolutely certain he can never ignore you again.
Ahem, ahem. I cleared my throat softly and turned to Ivan, who was hovering at my side.
“I’d like to read some of the books here too. Ivan, will you help me pick?”
“Ah, yes! Of course, Your Highness.”
Undaunted, I set about choosing books right there on the spot.
Honestly, everything shelved in this section was more of the same. Nothing much different from what Kailan had pulled down, which is to say there wasn’t a single book here at a level I could actually read.
One look at the titles and I can tell they’re duller than most university textbooks.
Even while handing down that merciless verdict, I made a show of agonizing over my choices. Chattering away the whole time, whether or not Kailan spared me any attention.
“I think that one has the prettiest cover. Oh, that one too. And I’m curious about the book next to it. Law Books Even a Crow-Eye Can Read? Does that mean there are crows in it?”
“Haha... I don’t believe there will be any crows in it, Your Highness. Shall we look through it together and find out whether there are or not?”
“Yes, let’s. And please take out the one beside it as well. The lettering is all curly, it looks splendid.”
Ivan kept pace with my fussing without a word of complaint. Books whose selection criteria defied all logic piled up in his arms at random.
I egged him on until his arms were at their limit, then quietly went up on my toes and reached for a high shelf.
“Ah, Your Highness. Allow me to get that for you. One moment, my hands are full just now, so let me set these down first and...”
“It’s all right. I can reach this much myself.”
Contrary to my reassuring words, my trembling fingertips barely managed to graze the corner of the book.
Just a little... a little more. I stretched my heels as high as they’d go, and my fingers caught the spine.
Grab.
“Got it... ah!”
At the very same moment, though, my body tipped backward, and with a feeble little yelp my balance went out from under me.
“Ah...! Your Highness, that’s dangerous!”
Almost in unison with that horrified shout, every book in Ivan’s arms went spilling to the floor.
Crash—!
Thanks to his quick assist, I avoided cracking my head on the floor. Even if it did leave me half dangling in Ivan’s arms with my balance gone.
“A-are you all right?! Your Highness!”
“Yes. I’m only all right because you caught me, Ivan.”
“Are you hurt anywhere? Your knees, perhaps, or your backside... you aren’t dizzy from the jolt to your head?”
“Nothing hurts. I’m fine.”
I wasn’t entirely fine, in truth. Nothing was injured, but my palm throbbed, probably because I’d put a hand down first as I fell. He’d only worry over nothing, though, so I had to act as unbothered as I possibly could.
When I looked around, the books Ivan had flung aside a moment ago lay strewn everywhere. Thick volumes toppled in layered heaps, the whole thing like the site of a small tower collapse.
I’ll have to tidy this up before we leave.
The accident had been planned, but looking at the mess I’d made of the place, guilt lifted its head a little.
Well, pangs of conscience aside, getting the result I’d wanted was satisfying enough.
Pretending not to think about it, I pushed myself up off the floor and slid my eyes to the side, as if to collect payment for the ridiculous show I’d just put on.
The one audience member I’d chosen still hadn’t moved an inch, the book held in one hand.
This time, though, his gaze was fixed squarely in my direction.
Finally.
“You’re noisy.”
Such were the glorious first words he ever spoke in front of me.
The ability to condemn a person with nothing but a look was, in its own way, a kind of talent.
Ivan flinched at Kailan’s chilly response, clearly frightened, but I, ironically enough, felt a faint flicker of relief.
I was starting to wonder how much louder a scene I’d have to cause if even this didn’t work. Thank god.
It wasn’t a complete success, but I’d caught his attention, which meant I was about halfway there. That was good enough.
“Oh, I’m sorry if I startled you. There were just so many books that looked good, and I got carried away.”
I smiled sheepishly and let the excuse trail off at a convenient point.
Avoiding his eyes just slightly, I crouched back down and started gathering the scattered books one by one. Each thick, hardbound volume pressed its heavy weight into my fingertips.
“Your Highness, allow me.”
“It’s all right. I’m the one who made the mess, so I’ll clean it up.”
Ivan hurried over with his hand outstretched, but when I picked up a book first, he gave in and bent down too. Just like that, the two of us ended up tidying the floor side by side.
By the time we’d cleared barely enough space to stretch out a foot, a dry voice dropped over us.
“Do you intend to read all of that?”
My hands stilled, and I tilted my head up a little.
Kailan hadn’t moved from where he stood. He clearly had no intention of helping; he only let his gaze travel back and forth between the books strewn over the floor and me picking them up.
His brow was drawn together, very faintly. It was the first change to appear on a face that, until a moment ago, had given away absolutely nothing.
“Hmm. No? There’s no way I could read all of this.”
I answered with perfect shamelessness, patting the dust off the cover of the book in my hands. Then I looked at the stack that had somehow risen to about knee height and announced, proudly,
“The truth is, I thought having books piled up all around me looked impressive. So I wanted to copy it. I thought maybe if I did this, I’d look as clever as you, hyungnim.”
Kailan didn’t say a word, but I could read his thoughts anyway. That look on his face was exactly the look you’d give some idiot rolling around on the ground.
I know I’m the one who threw out a line to make myself sound stupid, but having him treat me like an actual moron right to my face kind of stings.
Still, what else could I do? This was the only way to get a conversation started. I swallowed my embarrassment, bolted a steel plate over my expression, and pressed on.
“Have you read every book in here, hyungnim?”
“Am I under any obligation to tell you?”
“Um... no, there’s no obligation, but isn’t it nice to talk?”
“Why?”
Somehow this conversation was veering off in a direction I couldn’t predict...
The chilly premonition had barely formed, that the boat I’d worked so hard to launch was being rowed the wrong way, when Kailan fixed me with blank, unfeeling eyes, as though he genuinely couldn’t make sense of me.
“What reason do I have to associate with someone whose level of knowledge lags so far behind mine? What exactly would I gain?”
“Huh?”
“Conversation is a means of exchanging information or conducting negotiations. How much value do you suppose any exchange between you and me could possibly have?”
For a second my mind went completely blank. I hadn’t expected to be hit with a question like that, straight to my face.
Exchanging information? Negotiations? No, I just made the simple suggestion that talking might be nice, so where are words like that even coming from?
Leaving me floundering, unable to keep pace with him, Kailan carried on all by himself.
“Stacking up books you can’t even read, purely for show, is as good as admitting your own intellectual inadequacy.”
There wasn’t a trace of anything like contempt in those hollow eyes. I couldn’t tell whether there was malice behind it or not; it really seemed as though he was simply saying exactly what he thought.
He nudged one of the fallen books with the tip of his shoe.
“It amounts to proof that your head isn’t an organ for thinking, merely an ornament mounted on top of your neck.”
“...”
“I have no hobby of muttering to myself at ornaments, nor any intention of performing the charity of listening to worthless noise. I haven’t the time to spare either, but even if I did, why should I spend it on you?”
It felt like I’d broken the seal on the mouth of some sleeping calamity. His tone couldn’t have been calmer, yet every word that poured out drove into me like a thorn.
Having frozen the atmosphere below zero in an instant, he added one more line, like a bullet to finish me off.
“Is that sufficient to make you understand that there’s no need for us to talk?”
When something is this absurd, it turns out your pride doesn’t even get a chance to be wounded.
The Korean word for an illiterate person, kkamakkun, literally means “black eyes” and sounds close to kkamagwi, “crow.” Michel pretends to take it literally.
